She Needs a Good One

I have been trying to get a date with a woman I meet who’s husband died about 3 years ago. All we have ever done is exchange pictures, talk over the phone and email. I will set a date and she will agree and then at the last moment she will call and tearfully say she just can’t do it. I was beginning to think this woman was crazy. In discussing the reasons why for her backing out I noticed she used the term intimate. As in I don’t know that I can be intimate with another man. So she called last night and we were just shooting the bull and we started discussing her inability to follow thru with dates and this is how the conversation went.



Me: You keep using the term intimate, what does intimate mean to you?



Her: Sex



Me: Well just because we go out don’t mean we have to have sex and I am not going to rape you.



Her: I know that, I am not afraid of you in the least. I know you would never do anything like that.



Me: So what is the problem, we go out and we have a good time.



Her: You don’t understand



Me: I’m trying, so tell me



Her: Let me think how to put this, I am very vulnerable right now. I have not had sex in over three years. Lately that is all I can think about. I try to think about something else but my mind keeps going back to sex. I need a Good One!



Me: Laughing



Her: It is not funny!



Me: You got to understand that is not laughing at you laughter that is relief laughter.



Her: How is that?



Me: Well you got to understand that ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper I have been told that is the cure all for everything dealing with a woman. If she gets too testy, she needs a good one! If she seems upset, give her a good one! I never put a lot of stock into the statement cause I never could find a woman that agreed with that theory. Now here I am 50 years old and a woman tells me her problem is that she needs a good one. Hell I can take care of that, no problem, I was beginning to think you were crazy as hell and all you need is a good one. I am qualified at that, I didn’t know if I could cure you from being crazy. We will take care of that and you may even like me after.



Her: I am sure you can smart ass, but first you got to get me from point A to point B.



Me: Laughing, yeah that has been the problem



End



Art Nally

Redneck Hertiage Network

@2005