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Monday, March 5, 2012

The Dream




Now before I start this story let me say the cabins we stayed in this weekend have no similarity to the no tell resort my dream was about. First of all I have been there before and came back and second of all they were very nice. So the story begins:

It is the morning after returning home from a weekend family reunion for my mother's birthday (85) at some cabins at Flint Creek, Mississippi. I had used one of my man cards to stay up around the fire with the young bucks on Friday night and really never recovered the rest of the weekend. Nice accommodations but slept on an air mattress cause the mattresses were kind of hard.

So they say that usually when you have a weird dream you can tie them to some type of event in your recent memory, so where I can I will do that in this story for my blog. The idea was for me to catch up on my sleep on my way back so I let me daughter drive while I was trying to sleep with two of my grandchildren (Grace and Dustan) in the back seat of my truck.

You know there is not a lot of room in the back of a four half door truck. My grandson decided to stretch out and put his head on my granddaughter's lap with his stinky feet on my lap. Needless to say I didn't get a lot of sleep coming back. I get home unload most of the truck, grab me about two warm beers out of the back of the truck, drink a couple of shots of Red (After Shock), take one of Genny's sleeping pills and hit the heaven of my bed for a good night's sleep. It is now 12:17pm on Monday and I just woke up and most of the story is about a real weird dream I had during the night.

The story starts off with me sitting at a table with two of my friends trying to talk them into going for a short cruise, then getting dropped off on an island resort for the weekend. The idea was to do it without the wives, of course. They were not too sure they could pull that off so I started insulting them by saying, what's your problem ya'll lose your man card?

 The "man card" is a new term to me that I heard from my baby's sister's son (Gregory) when I wanted to leave around midnight, while me and three other young bucks sat around the fire last Friday drinking and telling lies. I would say after finishing a beer I got to go and he would say "what is the matter old man you lose your man card" so of course I had to stay and drink one more. The events of the fire would make a great story, but I will leave that for another time.

I guess the friend's part came from seeing an old childhood friend (H.W) this weekend at the reunion.

So in the dream we are now on the ocean going very slow cause there are three Navy ships taking most of the Channel. I am up in the Captains area trying to talk him in to going around them. He says he can't till we get further out, if he gets too close to those ships it will suck us right into the big ship. So I help him pick another route and watch out for the logs in the ocean. Yeah, pine logs in the middle of the ocean? That probably came from the logs on the fire this weekend.

So in a little while our semi big ship pulls up to the dock of this resort that looks like one of those no tell motels you find in rural areas of the south. They do however have a nice bar and check in area. So my buddies and I get off, I tell the captain wait up a minute we may have to go to the next island to stay as we put our reservations in at the last moment.

I remember my buddies saying as we are walking the board off the boat to the dock, that is what we get for listening to you. Six hundred a night for a no tell motel that don't look anything like the internet pictures. I say well hell boys, we are just going to hang out on the beach, watch the good looking women and get drunk so what the heck, trying to make the best of a bad situation. My buddies go ahead of me in the line and get their keys and head to find their room.

When I get up front they are having a hard time finding my reservation and I am concerned as my buddies have already checked in. They finally find it after a lot of looking. I say hold on, run outside to wave my buddy, the captain off.

I go back, get in the line, get to the front and the lady said Mr. Nalley we have a reservation for you but we were already filled up before we received it. I say what? You filled up a no tell motel? You got to be kidding me, my buddies are here, I just waved off the captain, am I going to half to sleep on the damn beach in a tent or something? If I have to call that captain back it is going to cost me a lot of money and I am going to kick ya'lls ass. I am raising total hell, that's not like me.

I figure that comes from my wife's Genny's experience, at the Loves truck stop on the way home. She takes orders from the grands to go in to buy a bunch of candy bars and such, for some reason none of her cards work. My daughter Gloria comes out and said they took Genny to the back, something about her cards not working. I told her I was going to fill up the truck while she worked it out. I go in, she is giving this clerk total hell, turning around to the rest of the customers in the line saying I am not going to another Love's in my life, I can't believe this bull shit. So I figure my argument with the clerks at the no tell motel resort had to do with that experience.

So I am now back at the resort and the dream. They say they can probably work something out they have two rooms I can look at. I go to the first room and it is a total room from hell, nasty and everything and I say no damn way. We go the second room it still looks like a concrete block no tell motel room but nicer, nowhere close to what I saw on the internet. But I am ready to settle. In order to have this room you are going to have to share it with one of two sets of women. One group of three that are around 18 to 22 or another couple of women in the 35 to 40 range. Things are starting to look up especially when he says they have agreed to pay half of your charge for the rent. This idea sounds attractive for several reasons, two of them are: I would be recouping half my six hundred bucks a night and the other was bragging rights telling my buds I was sharing a room with women. So sorry to you "seasoned" women but as almost any of us men would do I started off with the 18 to 22 years olds.

I say bring them on let me see them, five minutes later he comes into the room with three little midgets ( looked and sounded like those Munchkins on the Wizard of Oz) with a squeaking voice that reminds you of finger nails on a chalk board. They come in, hug my waist, I am like lord…… I don't know if I can handle this for a weekend and my friends would have two much fun telling the story of the nights Art spent with the midgets at the resort. (I figure the midgets come from a facebook post one of my friends (Cade) put out about three weeks ago of two midgets doing a strip while singing a song. Or my nephew who was trying to talk me into calling a cab this weekend at 1:30 in the morning to find some T Bars in Poplerville, Ms. We all passed on that offer. It could have been a mixture of both!

For the heck of it, I say let me see those 35 year olds, he says they are waiting outside. We go outside while they are not really attractive they are better looking and sounding then the midgets. I go with them and tell them one of you can sleep on the couch the other one can put air mattresses down right there, I have the master.

Just about that time a knock comes on my door, I open it to find my two buddies, who say Art this place is the pits then they ask if I have a shower in my room. I say you know what I haven't looked let me go see, they follow me in, see the two women, smile as if thinking that damn Art. The buds say we got one but the water don't work, it's got a big hole in the center of it you can see down to the water, and even if it worked we would be afraid to get in it, especially after a few drinks, so maybe we can use yours. Mine looks no better.

I said well maybe they have some kind of community shower, as at this point I feel real bad as I am the one that talked them into it. I tell them I will meet them in a few minutes, we will revisit the front desk. I find this little door in the master that has some stairs, I go down them to see what it is about. I end up in this warehouse looking hallway where it looks like the resort stores their beer and liquor. I run into a couple of workers sitting at a table, they say how you doing and I start to tell them my experience with the so called resort. So I ask them, is there any chance that there is another resort on this island that has the same name? They look at each other, and then back at me. One speaks up that it didn't come from them but they put me in the overflow resort. I say six hundred a night and I am in a damn overflow motel shit, shit, shit. They say the main resort is nicer but don't expect to see a room as nice as the internet, that is the owners room.

At this point I go back to find my buddies sitting around a green pool that is about half filled up. I tell them we are in the damn overflow no tell motel resort paying six hundred a night and the real one is on the other side of the island. The three of us are really mad about this situation, and then we go back to the front desk. They have elected me to be the spokesman but they all chime in at different parts of the discussion. I tell the clerk I know I am in the no tell motel resort and that the real one is across the island. I tell her you obviously don't know who you are dealing with here. I will spend a hundred thousand dollars on advertisement in papers to tell people about this situation, I will put it on my blog, etc., my buddies say we will throw a hundred thousand in a piece to help, we will spend the rest of the weekend on our I Pad (One of the son in-laws) telling the rest of the world about this dump on the internet. The front desk finally confesses and goes to make a call to the main resort. They come back say they have us some rooms and they will be free of charge, they show us they have credited our credit cards and have a free rental car for us with directions to the other resort.

The buddies and I look at each other and say can't leave for three days till the ship comes back, it can't be any worse and it is free, let's try it. So we drive over to the other resort of the same name, it is nicer but still no six hundred dollar room. We are standing in the parking lot looking it over , there is a bunch of old people (about our age) playing shuffle board and stuff, but after the other resort we say well hell it's better than the other place. We turn around to see this other resort that either looks like what one would imagine heaven looks like or the (town) where the wizard lived in the Wizard of Oz. It has a big chain link fence around it, we look on the beach to see hundreds of very beautiful women on the beach playing volley ball or mud wrestling. We say to each other now that is what we thought we were paying for. We got this one for free and we don't know what that one is going to cost but it would be worth checking out don't you think as if even it cost double we are still paying half price?

The three of us were walking down the yellow brick road to the nice resort when I got an elbow in the chest telling me I was snoring and it woke me up. It was my sweet thang Genny. I tried to go back to sleep to see how it was going to end up but didn't go back to the island so I will never know how the adventure worked out.


Art Nalley
Redneck Heritage Network
Copyright 2012