Was lying around in bed with Ms. Genny this morning remembering one of the lessons I learned in Marriage 202 I figured may help some of you guys. First of all why does almost every marriage lesson start out with a guy trying to do good? Think back on that a minute and reflect, I know there have been times each of you did something you thought was going to get bragged on and ended up getting you an ass chewing.
Early in the marriage you know those honeymoon days where you call each other constantly I decided to take off early. I was tired and needed a little nap and besides I was going to go by the store on the way home and pick up some stuff and cook my wife supper that night. Genny loved to call if she knew that you were off so I didn't tell her. I went to the store picked up the stuff to cook came home and went straight to bed. After all I was not doing anything but taking a nap and then I was going to cook supper so damn why should I report out and in?
So a couple of hours later I get up start the grill everything working out just about perfect and sitting in my easy chair when I hear her coming up the stairs. So I jump up, give her a hug and kiss and commence to brag on myself cooking her dinner, she smiles, said thanks and continues on to the kitchen. A couple of minutes later I hear her say from the kitchen what time did you get home today? Out of not wanting to hurt her feelings that I would take off to get a nap and not want to hear the phone ring from my baby, I said,,, I think it was sometime around 3:20. Well she stomps out of that kitchen madder than a bear protecting her cub with a cash register receipt in her hand. She shoves it at me and said what does this say? I said it says uh it says 45 dollars and sixty cents for the stuff I picked up today. I am thinking what in the hell I have no idea where this is going at this point but she is pissed about something. She says no right here!!!! Oh that says 12:30PM. So then why in the hell would you be at Food World at 12:30 and it takes you to 3:30 to get home.
Pause: Now I will finish the story in a few seconds but did any of you guys know that they stamp the time on grocery store receipts. Am I the only dumb one in the world? Any of you play Chess? Well then you know the best players have planned out their next 4 moves and the possible moves you could make before making a move. Not a lot of women play the board game but many are very skilled at determining your next several moves. Some of your wife's may already have your funeral figured out.
Men think a lot slower than women you ever notice that? First thing you got to do is remember what the hell you said. There it is, I found it in the story, my answer was I don't know, I think it was somewhere around 3:20. You think that is a good answer? I did and obviously I was wrong. There are several degrees of trouble with women and the first thing a man needs to learn is just when to shut up. That is one we always have a hard time with. So I go with the offensive reversal. That is right the old jump back routine it sometimes works.
I said! It was sometime around 3:20, hell I don't know that they print the damn time out on cash register receipts and I don't look at my damn watch every five minutes to see what the time is!!!!! Impressive huh guys? Remember men when to shut up, no manner what she said back I should have stomped out of the room and stayed with the offensive position. Her response was: You lied to me, why would you lie to me? She has that damn hurt look now, oh hell. I am thinking in my head and I have a flashback of the Army Officer who said in the movie "Because you can't handle the truth"! Now at this point I got to admit, I am totally whipped guys, I am just shaking my head looking at her and wondering how in the hell did this all turn out so bad. I started this off with all very honorable things even had visions of a little sex to top the night off. She tears up a little, stomps to her bedroom and slams the door.
You know what folks I plan to finish the story someday but just thought it would be a lot of fun to solicit your views (how you would have handled it differently, etc, ) I have given you a few hints on where I went from here, see if you can figure it out and most of all was it successful? Is there a successful way to end this story? I want to hear from you women also cause like I regularly say everything I understand about women could be printed on my little finger. Do you have a similar story? Of course you do.
So Honey what time did you get home today?
Art Nalley
Redneck Heritage Network
@2011
