Stages of Life (From Caring Deeply about Everything) to not giving a Sh..

I was reading one of my magazines and the story was about the number of women that choose not to have children these days and the amount of pressure placed on them by society. My mind tends to jump all over the place so I soaked it in when the interviewer ask her how she feels about it at 50 that she never had a child.  She said well it used to get kind of oppressive but quite frankly now days I don’t give a shit.

 So my mind jumped into many different paths of thinking with my first thought being,  I wonder how and who was the first person to say …Frankly my dear I don’t give a shit!  I know what it means but how did it start.  I am going to have to do some research on that some day. 

But then my second thought was is it because she is a woman that she does not give a shit or is it just stages of life that we all go through.  In thinking about it, I think stages have a lot to do with it.  For those that can still remember being young you can remember the passion you felt about everything.   There was no room in your mind for I don’t know or I am not certain as you were one hundred percent sure whatever you felt or thought was the right way and no one could tell you any different.  In fact you would spend long hours discussing what you felt was the proper path as you felt it was your obligation to educate the rest of world on the proper path. You are the new generation and you plan to change the world.  This stage has different time spans due to different life experiences but generally I would call it the 18-29 time period of life. 

 I heard Steve Harvey on television say something the other day that really nailed this time period.  One of his guests asks Steve:   I just turned 30, what can expect for myself in my 30’s.  Steve said that is a real easy question to answer as you are going to spend your next decade trying to straighten up what you have messed up in your twenty’s.

The thirties are that time that it starts to soak in that you may have to conform a little. You absolutely hate it but you have grown tired of banging your head against the wall and getting nowhere.  It helps a lot if some of your friends have already conformed and doing much better then you.  So maybe I am going to have to cut this hair and dress and talk more like “the man”.   You start justifying this by saying maybe I can change the world by becoming part of the majority and at least I will eat better.  You most likely have a few kids by now and figuring out that they don’t always respond real well to your new way of parenting that don’t leave a child with “issues”.  So maybe my parents were smarter than I thought?  No way, can’t be.  As you grow you find out there many paths lead to the same designation.  Each stage is very important as without them you would not be ready for the next.  So you are working, working and more working trying to keep up with the Jones and provide a better life for your children. Now right here is a critical point that we often mess up with as we too often think a better life means more things but that is most likely better left to another story.

So then one day you wake up and find yourself 40. That is like concrete block upside the head time.  All the young guns start calling you the old man. Your kids are in or finishing high school and you are not ready to be thought of as the old man yet!  You start thinking; I wonder if I can still do the stuff I did in my early years?  You can still remember it so you don’t want the 20 year old life style full time but a little more fun and less work does sound good. But there are bills to be paid, looking back you have actually done quite well but at the time you feel like a failure as you really didn’t get to where you wanted to be and you are 40, not much time left old boy.  You need to be thinking about doubling down on getting ahead and retirement cause you only got a thousand in the bank.  But you also remember what it was like being the new kid on the block growing up as an Air Force Brat and your kids tell you that you would absolutely ruin their life if you moved them during high school.  So you suck it up and wait.

Then your fifties come and you are starting to get your game together as the kids say.  You start thinking no I am not 20 and I can’t do what the 20 year old can but I have something just a little more important and it is called knowledge. Knowledge can be a lot of fun if you handle it right. I found out from raising kids that sometimes, well most of the time you can’t just tell a young one that the fire is hot they got to touch it themselves to make sure. We as the older group seem to forget that sometimes and become to judgmental when we see folks trying their own way.  We need to go back and re-read our 20 time period again from time to time. 

So what you can’t physically do everything you could do earlier in life, sit back chill and enjoy the game of life.  I was up at the Lakeview Country Club one night for a little Karaoke and went up to the bar to get a beer.  There were a few young bucks up at the bar and one was quite drunk.  I made the mistake of looking at him while I was waiting on the waitress.  He lifts his head and says what is the matter old man?  His two buddies mean while trying to calm him down.  I say nothing, nothing at all just getting a beer.  So he stumbles and gets up and says what about I just kick your ass.  The waitress and bartender move down the bar, his friends are holding him and the waitress hands me a beer.  I said look man I don’t want to fight you just want to have a few beers and sing some Karaoke.   I told him there would not be any fun in it and if it last longer than 30 seconds he was bound to hurt me bad.  

He kind of smiled and said okay.  The tension was broke and they all laughed with one of the kids shaking my hand.  See he just wants to sing Karaoke.  So I turn back to the one that wanted to kick my ass and say can I give you some advice son?   He said yeah go ahead.  I said don’t ever pick a fight with an old man; you would do better with some of these young guys shooting pool.   He says why is that?  The place gets quite and the pool players take a break.   Well it like this, it ain’t like you young bucks fighting where ya’ll tend to jump around and ask the other if they had enough yet.  And old man knows he ain’t got but 30 good seconds to take you completely, one hundred percent out or he is going to take a bad ass whipping.  They ain’t coming out slow they are giving it their all in that first 30 seconds.  They all laugh and I walk to my table.

I had been a supervisor at work for at least 25 years but always remembered how I would wish the boss would just let me try my way.  I especially didn’t like it when they would go off into a meeting to solve my problem and not invite me. How am I going to learn how to solve these problems if I don’t at least hear what they did to solve it? But as a first time supervisor for the first 10 years or so I would solve all my staff’s problems, because after all it is my turn to do it my way.  You find out over time that this is not the correct way to supervise as you become indispensable to the organization and they don’t want to hear that you want some time off.  You need to raise the opinion of your boss that your staff can handle it while you are out.  

So in the 50’s you don’t answer so many questions.  When they come to you with problems you make sure to ask them: What research have you done on this problem? What do you purpose we do to solve it?  You enjoy this as it is fun to hear out different methods to solve a problem.  Sometimes it is the same way you once tried to solve a problem, sometimes it worked sometimes it didn’t.  What harms is going to come to the world if I let them try their way?   Most of the time (with the right questions) they know how to solve it and will work a lot harder toward making it work if it was their idea to begin with. 

You start doing this with your kids and wife also.  Your kids come over and you can tell they want some advice but don’t want to just come right out with it and ask.  By now your kids are young adults have children of their own and all they remember is how opinionated you were when they were growing up and all you are doing now is just sitting there listening with that dumb ass smile on your face.  When they quit talking and look at you, you say well what do you think you should do about that?  Let me tell you right now….they hate that question.  In their eyes it is a lot more fun to disagree with you then to take a chance of failing at something that was their idea.  In fact it was not that long ago my oldest ask me about something and I said, look we have had this discussion several times you know my view and this has been a sore area to discuss so try it your way.  I will just sit over here in the corner and smile. 

Then you have a wife that tends to ask your opinion a lot.  And it is only because of the stages you have been through that you realize she does not really want to hear your viewpoint on the problem, just shut up and listen and agree. In fact Genny made the mistake no to long ago of asking me about something (my viewpoint) while the National News was on.  So I say I hadn’t really thought about it hoping she will drop it.  So she says well what you think?  So I say look I wonder why you ask for my viewpoint on something because as long as I have known you, you have never taken my advice.  You always do it your way, so figure it out!   She says I do to listen to your advice.  Well tell me one time you have actually followed it?   That statement worked as she shut up and I got to finish watching the news.

And now at 59 and with a lot of struggle I am now retired.  I still got my hands in a few things, have some ideas to explore but for the most part I do what I want to do when I want to do it and that is very nice.  If I don’t get around to it today, there is always tomorrow so who really gives a shit.  Looking forward to my 60’s and 70’s because my dad would use as an excuse for not doing something…..Let’s leave that for the kids to worry about..

Art Nalley

Redneck Heritage Network

@2013

Picking Tomsgetti, developing Musksgetti and the Krohn family Part 1

Well let’s see I was around twelve and figured it would be fun to go over to the Krohn boys house (Blaine and HW) for the weekend so I gave them a call to see if it was okay.  With them and my family both on eight party lines and it was hard to get through sometimes.  So Blaine calls back and I ask what they up to and is it okay for me to come over and spend the night.  He says he is fairly sure it will be okay but let him ask his parents and call me back.  He says we ain’t doing much just helping Daddy pick the spaghetti bushes.  I said well I don’t know that I want to come over to work digging up them taters last time was hard.  He said spaghetti picking was not all that hard. 

So I get my Mom to drive me over and drop me off.  So Blaine and HW come out to meet the car and I said I figured y’all would be out in the field picking spaghetti.  They said no we finished that up so we went inside.  After a while I got to thinking that I wanted to see a spaghetti bush so I ask for them to show me one.  They looked at me like they were kind of mad and said we picked it all and it will just look like a tomato plant.  So I stayed on them to see one and they said they would show me tomorrow.   So the next day we go out to the field and about 20 feet off they point to some tomato plants and say you can’t go any closer.  It does look like I can see some spaghetti growing on that plant and I can see baby tomato’s also.  They said look we ain’t suppose to even show it to you.  Dad found out that we told you about them and got mad as hell as he said it was a family secret he was not ready to share yet.

So years go on by and we all go to high school and I don’t see as much of the Krohn boys as much as I did during the Woolmarket days but every time I see Mr. WM Krohn I ask him about them spaghetti bushes.  He just smiles and says we had a fairly good crop this year.   So I get out of high school and join the ARMY for four years and then go to work at the VA Medical Center and start moving from State to State.  Every once in a while me and my friends would be drinking a few beers and I would tell them about those tomato and spaghetti bushes.  They would always look at me kind of strange like so that is where they come from? 

So back in 1999 I move from Richmond Virginia to Birmingham, Alabama and down visiting my father in Woolmarket.   My father and I always had competitions on the gardens so I figured I would one up him and get me some tomsgetti seeds.   

So I go over while on vacation and start bugging Mr.Krohn's for some seeds.  So he said he don’t grow them anymore as they turned out to be more trouble than they were worth.  I ask what the trouble was and he said it was like this.  The tomato’s never got big cause they were in competition with the spaghetti growing at the same time and the mixture plant looked too much like wacky tobacco.  I said you talking Marijuana and he said yeah that.  He said it would start with the cops and those DEA folks dropping by wanting to arrest him but they didn’t have a regulation dealing with a plant that just looked like Marijuana but grew tomatos and spaghetti.  They ask him if he smoked it and he said nope just picked the tomatos and spaghetti so they had to fire off a letter to DC to find out how to handle it.  Then he said just about the time it really started putting on the spaghetti (four feet) them damn Hippies from Biloxi would see it and cut it down at night to smoke.  He had to almost guard his garden which didn’t make it worth it.

So I said too bad as I always wanted to grow some and he finally had mercy on me.  He went back into the house and came back with a packet of seed that looked somewhat like Squash and Okra seeds mixed.  He said, I have not planted any in years but here is a hand full they may work for you or not good luck.  So I planted them several years up here in McCalla but just like he said, once they got up around 4 feet tall the cops would be dropping by for a visit or the neighbors would be looking over the fence pointing to them saying what you growing there?  So I figured there had to be a better way so looked around the yard and saw my muscadine plant and it all made sense to me. Since spaghetti grows better in the winter months and the Muscadine’s are usually gone by the end of August or early September there must be a way to cross the two.  And this took Years of trying folks so we save this process and adventure till Part II.

Art Nalley

Rooster

Redneck Heritage Network @2013

Adventures with Mr. Tucker

Mr. Tucker as I call him is a little boy that lives down the street. He hangs around me from time to time and I told him the Red Eye Story and we even killed a Red Eye one night around his house. For those that don't know Red Eye: I thought was the family ghost started by my grandfather but recently heard Troy Landry of Swamp people talk about Red Eye in the Swamp so maybe it part of the French culture. There is a film of Tucker and crew going after Redeye and I will try to attach to this blog. Well a few months ago I saw him and started on about that Red Eye and must have got on his nerves. A few days later he comes to the house and gives Genny and big hug but says nothing to me, not even a high five.

I know he is mad about something but have no idea what so I go on down and read the computer. Genny must have picked up on this as I am walking up the stairs and I here Genny say. I think you have hurt Mr. Art's feelings not talking to him. What are you upset with him about. Tucker said: He talks about Red Eye alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the time. Genny says well when he comes up tell him about it. So I finish coming up and go and sit in my seat and watch TV waiting on him to make his move. A few minutes later he comes over and stands in front of me and taps me on the knee. I look down at him and say yes Tucker. He says Mr. Art I love you to death but I don't want to hear anything else about no Red Eye. He's goneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, you understand he is gone! I said okay buddy I will try and we high fived.

Yesterday I am laying in bed reading when I see Mr. Tucker (5 year old) come down the hall and go to the bathroom. On the way out he says hey Mr. Art before going back outside with the women and kids to play. Five minutes later Genny comes in and hears water, and there is Water on the floor. So begins my butt chewing and I look and Mr. Tucker is standing right by her listing to me get it. On and on about how she told me to fix this a month ago. I look at Mr. Tucker as he knows I can out him if I want to. He is shaking his head in agreement with Genny as I get chewed. So I look at him and say I didn't do it! He looks up at her with his lip quivering and says I didn't do NOTHING! I just go ahead and take my ass chewing as there ain't no way to win with Genny and a five year old boy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT7t5FEbnf0

Run Walter Payton Run

The strategic meeting was cancelled because JCAHO came along and according to the Director we barely passed and we did so because the reviewers were very generous with us. She has sent out several different messages both verbally and in writing to the Service Chiefs about how disappointed she was with the results. From what I understand she even had all her CEO office staff wear black the day after for morning report.



I did okay, didn't get the invite to see the Director one on one after the inspection which a good thing. But watching the slumped shoulders of my long time brothers and sisters I have done a lot of thinking about it. JCAHO is very easy to pass from a supply point as the only thing they check with us is do we have any expired supplies. We don't have enough room for supplies to have anything expired so no problem. Joint commission primarily looks at environmental care and medical care provided.



So management 101 first step is to look to the past record and compare to the current record. Three years ago when Joint commission came through we did very well. So what may be the possible factors that lead to this poor showing? Uh Senior Leadership has changed and has made wide reaching changes in the way business is done day to day. We seem to have lost our ability to make a decision and when the decision is made it is delayed for an unacceptable amount of time.




So how do you go about explaining to the boss that her management style just may be the problem? Well sports may be a good way to do that as The Walter Payton was her brother in law and her husband is a golf coach. I think I will use a football analogy. So it would go like this.




Ms. Payton: So as you know the results of JCAHO were disappointing to say the least does anyone have an idea as to why?




Me: Too many decisions are being delayed while we study the problem to death. And when we do make a decision it often is based upon the water boy's views versus the running back's position. Let me break it down for you. Now you knew Walter Payton Right?




Ms. Payton: Yes I did, he was my brother in law.




Me: Well let's just imagine Walter's in the huddle and the quarterback says: Walter 46 right on 2. That play means that Walter Payton is going to get the ball and he will be running thru the hole the guard and tackle make for him on the right side of the line. His job of course is to make it thru that hole and run as far as he can make it toward the goal. Keep in mind that once Walter makes it thru the assigned hole, how he gets to the goal is pretty much left to him. After all he is good at this, had 3000 yards rushing last year and won MVP at the Superbowl.




Now can you imagine Walter making it thru the line getting about 8 yards downfield and stopping and calling a time out? He gets back in the huddle and says. I need a little help with this decision. Those are some big ole boys down the field. I don't know for sure if I should go down the middle or to the left or right. We need to set us up a process action team to discuss this with a report back to me thru the Quarterback in a month. But Walter you ain't got a month as there is only 3 minutes left in the game and the ref is about to call a penalty for delay of game. Walter says I don't' care I want to be "sure" I make the right decision. So he asks the guard and tackle. What do you guys think?




So they say Walter we don't know, we are not a running back. Our job is to open up that hole for you to run thru. We are too big and slow to run more than about 6 yards, you are the running back and MVP we trust you to make the best decision of how to handle this situation.




About this time the referee has called a delay of game penalty and is walking off the penalty. Walter says okay it makes it a little harder but I still must be sure, everyone is involved in this decision and is in agreement with what I should do. Walter looks to the side line and see's the water boy and calls him on the field. Walter says you are now the Chair of this process action team, should I run down the center or to the right or left. Water boy says I think you should go to the left. Walter looks at the water boy and says you know it is third down, do you know anything about football? Water boy says not really I just haul the water to the players. Walter turns to his team and says I need a vote on going with the water boy's suggestion as I want him to feel as important as all of you. The team says "what ever Walter let's play ball".




So Walter breaks thru the right side of the defensive line and instead of taking the shortest distance to the goal immediately starts trying to make it to the left side of the field. He gets there and turns to make his way up the field running down the side line. Now old Walter is world famous for his ability to spin off a tackle or jump over one. Those are the tools of his trade and he uses them better than anyone else. But because he took the water boys suggestion he is running down the side line with little room to maneuver. An opposing player doesn't even attempt a tackle he just pushes Walter out of bounds.




So since Walter didn't run down the center his team now has to kick a field goal from the left hash mark about 35 yards out. A field goal from the left is much more difficult than one down the center as we all know and the Bears miss the field goal. They also lose the game.




Now whose fault is this?




Is it the quarterbacks? Yes and No, the quarterback called a good play although he might get some of the blame for letting Walter establish a process action team to decide how he should run once thru the line.




Guard and tackle: No they did their job




Walter's: In my view yes as he and he alone should have made the decision (which by the way was obvious go up the middle) and he failed to make the command decision even thou he was the one with the skill, position, experience and ability to be successful running the ball.




Now I see ya'll shaking your head in agreement but we have not talked about the one person who was just as much a reason for Walter and the Bears failing as they were.




The General Manager: You see after the Bears won the Superbowl last year the Owner of the Team made the mistake of sending the General Manager off to a GM seminar. He/She should have taught the class on team building after all his team had won the Super bowl but another instructor gave the class. The instructor had some very radical ideas. You should not have all these divisions in your team all members should have an equal part in the process of making "every" decision. So no more Offensive Line Coach, Defensive Coach and especially no more Special Teams coach. Not sure about what offensive play to call ask the defensive line what to run. We are all equally important in "every" decision. The instructor always ended with remember even the watherboy is an important part of the decision making process. Sounds good in theory don't it. The water boy is an important member of the team as everyone needs water, but should he decide the play or run the ball?




Summary: Our biggest failure as an organization is not due to our lack of ability but our failure to make a decision be it right or wrong. Your running back should run, you guard should guard. You have got to learn to trust your Service Chiefs ability to solve the problems they are the most skilled at. Greg Eagerton and I don't need 14 people sitting around a table to help us to decide how to re-organize SPD. Remember every delay of game penalty makes it a little harder to accomplish the mission. You state you want us to be honest with you and share our problems but our biggest fear is either that in doing so it is going to slow up the process substantially or what we tell you will come back to bite us in our next evaluation. Fear is not a good motivator and it leads us all to second guessing our next move. Once you start second guessing your forward progress slows down a lot. You also can't hold the individual responsible when everyone made the decision.


Art Nalley

Redneck Hertiage Network

Copyright@2010