I remember
it was a beautiful spring day and that I had recently moved out of my divorce
apartment into a nice old house in Bessemer, AL. I loved spring on University Blvd in
Birmingham. All them little college gals
wearing their cotton white sun dresses with black thongs. Just something
about a spring day, smoking a cig and watching those gals walk by made a man
feel good, even cocky.
I looked at
my watch and it was 11:45 and I had a meeting at 1:00 PM but was already
prepared. I was hungry and time for
lunch. I figured I would go up to Rocky’s, a nice Italian place a block up for
lunch when the phone rang. It was my
direct line and not the Secretary patching someone through, so I looked at the
number ID and saw it was my oldest daughter Gloria. So I pick up the phone and
she said, What you doing Dad?
Art: Oh I got a meeting at one and thinking about
going out to eat in a minute.
Gloria: Do I need to call back?
Art: Naw I got time, what you want?
Gloria: Oh nothing, just wondering what you been up
to, what's going on?
Art: Not a lot, working on getting the garden
ready to plant, doing some floors, regular stuff.
Gloria: You sure, nothing more than that?
So it was at
this point the devil got ahold of me as it was obvious she was fishing for some
information. I smiled and thought to myself to have a little fun with
this.
Art: Well, there is one more thing. I am about two weeks away from getting married
again.
Pause then
Gloria: About to get married and you
like have not even brought her by to meet me?
Art: Well, I
didn’t figure it would be all that popular a thing to tell y'all so I figured I
would wait a few months to break it to y'all after.
Gloria: Well,
why would we not like her?
Art: She is a little younger then both of you and
she is a Russian Foreign Exchange Student.
Gloria: How old is she?
Art: 22
Gloria: Dad……22
years old?
Art: Yep,
look I got to go get something to eat before the meeting. I will catch up later
with you on it.
Gloria: Okay……dial
tone.
So I get up
there and it appears the entire Medical School decided it was a good day to eat
out. Small line outside the door to
order and all seats taken. So, no big
deal, I will get carry out and eat at my desk. So I get inside the door and
number two in line to order and my cell rings. Now the only time my cell rings
it is something big like the Center Director or my Assistant Chief calling me
about something that can’t wait. So being hard of hearing I have the thing on
speaker phone. It is a cheap Blackberry and
you have to go thru several menus to turn it off so once it is on speaker you can’t
easily do it like you can on those cell phones now. I look at the number and recognize
it as my Baby Girl's (Charro’s) number. I
pull it off my hip and hit the talk button when this very loud voice says.
Charro: Have you lost your Fucking Mind?
I am holding
by the time the phone about 12 inches off my ear and everybody is looking at me
with and oh shit look.
Art: No, I am
not crazy yet baby...what is up?
Charro: Oh nothing Dad!!!! Except I just heard you are about to marry a
22 year old foreign exchange student.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSS. (If you are
wondering what that SSSSSSSSSSSSSS is about you have to know Charro. When she gets
aggravated she has always put a little sssssssssssss at the end of her
sentence. Kind of sounds like a steak on
a hot grill.) So by this point I can tell everybody (I mean everybody) in the
place is listening to this conversation and I going to have some fun.
Art: Look you will like her, she is in Medical
School and her VISA is about to run out.
Smart gal. She needs to find her an American to get married to in order
to stay in America. That way she can
stay, apply for grants, etc., and live rent free at my place.
Charro: Does she speak English?
Art: Ahhh a
little not to much.
Charro: Well, DAD how are you two going to
communicate? sssss
Art: Well, baby we are communicating pretty good so
far! (At this point the people in the
line and within ear shot are laughing, which fires me up some more as I like
making folks laugh). Just pisses Charro off more!
Art: She can’t cook real well however, but I am
trying to teach her that. No big problem since I like to cook and most young
gals have that problem.
Charro: Look Dad you are too old for her, you know
she is going to leave you once she gets citizenship.
The room got
real quiet to see how I would respond to this so I paused a few seconds.
Art: Look
Charro I ain’t stupid! I know she is
going to leave me for some young buck down the road but I figure that will be
after Medical School is finished and you know what?
Charro: What? Ssssss
Art: In the mean time she sure does look good
coming out of the shower!
Charro: Bye Dad, dial tone.
As I hang up
and put my phone back into the holster I am either getting thumbs up, laughter
or handshakes. As I always believed you
got to fire them girls up from time to time.
