Is She Ready Yet

Old Art has been going through writers block lately. I have a lot of new ideas for story lines but by time I get to the computer the story line seems to disappear. It may be the beginning of All Timers. Anyway a lady posted a message yesterday asking "moms" what is the right age for my daughter to start dating? She was given many options (never, 16, 17) but the majority qualified each answer depending upon their maturity. I negotiated contracts for the Veterans Administration for 30 years and always found it interesting the number of different ways people define the same word so I like to provide the definition I will be using which is: Maturity (psychological), a term in developmental psychology to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. Now the problem is that there usually is a lapse of several years between Sexual Maturity and Psychological Maturity : Sexual maturity, the stage when an organism can reproduce, though it is distinct from adulthood.

I had a very active sex life as a teenager and God blessed me with two girls to raise as a result of it. Sometimes I could hear him laughing! And no I didn't get their mother pregnant as a teenager. Let me back up I did she was 19. I was one of the lucky ones; I beat the statistics which was completing high school back then but today the requirements to be successful are much higher. As a mother of a young boy or girl remember two words as they are your friend and they are statistics and goals.

There are many paths that take you to the same designation but some take a lot longer and are a lot harder to achieve. Start early with your child talking about his/her goals in life. Remember it is their goals and not yours. Oh so you would like to be a lawyer, well lets research this and see what all is involved so that we can make sure you are properly prepared to meet your goal. Young adults are motivated by goals. Example: You want to borrow the car clean your room, etc., So back to the subject, so you want to be a lawyer, well what are the things that could stop or dramatically slow your progress toward reaching that goal. One big one is getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant. I didn't have boys so I didn't have to worry about the boys problems but the same logic works for both.

The very first thing you have to do as a parent is put this in prospective. I would ask the mother who ask how old should my daughter should be, how old where you? What did you learn during the experience, what mistakes you made, what advice your parents gave worked and what didn't? Have you shared your early life with your daughter?

Most of us whether we will admit it or not were super charged and it is only natural as we (both sexes) have so many changes going on in our mind and body we don't fully understand we just knew that we were driven to explore new experiences. Some act upon it and some delay it but as sure as the sun is going to rise, your baby girl is going to experience it. Help her understand what she is going thru and that it is natural. I use to tell my girls stuff like: You know when a boy that age tells you he loves you he really means he would love to. You do understand the difference don't you? Yes Daddy I do.

When I think back to my teenager years the things that really stuck in my head was the things other people in my peer group was experiencing more then what my parents said. I didn't think my parents had a clue till I was about twenty eight or so. For example drugs where a very big thing when I was growing up and the thing that kept me out of it was watching an older friend that was heavily into it and seeing what he went thru. In one of my other blog stories (Drivers License and My First Real Date) I talk about a young lady I went out with who's older sister got pregnant and about how she was not going to let me close to anything that may cause her to get in the same situation. In thinking back it is because she had lived it. She saw what her older sister went thru, her father and her mother the family unit. No the boy didn't marry her sister and live happily ever after and statistics show the majority don't. They also show that if they do get married the percentages are high that it will not last. That's the facts Jack and they don't need necessarily to hear it from you it is on the web. But I don't see any harm in printing out a little reading material from time to time and place it on her pillow. About.com is a good site for this, doesn't go pro or con just states the facts.

http://marriage.about.com/cs/teenmarriage/a/teenmarriage.htm

So if that girl down the street gets pregnant should you talk poorly of her or talk about her parents not properly raising her? No, what you should do is make sure she becomes your daughter's best friend. They will talk about (without you) the dreams that girl had that are on hold, what it is like to wake up several times a night to feed a child, etc., and how that boy all of sudden is saying things like that isn't my kid to all her class mates. As I said earlier he didn't love her he loved to. Maybe more then you ask for but if you are asking about dating you are asking for reasons that fall somewhere along these lines. You have some fun years ahead of you! Well any way the writer's block is gone and I feel better. I hope ya'll do too. Bubba is going to get back to comedy as this heavy stuff gives me headaches and flashbacks.


Art Nalley
Redneck Heritage Network
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