Ban Purses’ and Increase Productivity by 50%

How many men have you met standing at the end of the car waiting on your woman to get out of the car? What is it they do while you are out in the parking lot waiting on them?

I am sure all you men have had the experience of going shopping with your wife or girlfriend after hours of waiting on them to get “ready” in the first place only to guard the trunk of the car while they are still sitting in the car doing god only knows what. I know it is a wide spread problem as on a good day you can see no less then six men standing by the trunk waiting on the woman to get out of the car. Do not however make the mistake of thinking you can go ahead and walk in without them because they will hide from you when you go to look for them later as pay back for being so undeserving of their love.

I noticed one man the other evening had developed a plan of action to not make him look so foolish standing at the end of the car. He popped his trunk and starting doing an inventory of it. I was wondering what he was looking for when I noticed he always kept one eye cocked to the side of the car and when his wife got even with the trunk his inventory stopped and he closed the trunk to walk in by her side.

God only knows the reason they do this but I have a few theories. One of the major culprits is the damn purse. They perform a full inventory of it every time you stop in a parking lot. To show that I am not totally un reasonable I could understand doing the basics such as do I have my credit card or money however most men do that as they leave the house. But why in the hell do they have to look at everything else such as family pictures, make up and other assorted things they keep in that purse. You know they couldn’t possibly need anymore make up as you spent an hour and half already waiting for them at the house because they want to look pretty for you. Yeah right! Baby we are going shopping not to bed and as a man I want to get this experience over as quickly as humanly possible. I want to go in get what we “have” to have and get the hell out. I don’t want to look at all those “ain’t that cute things”.

As for the car waiting we need to ban the purse as a national treat to our security. After all they could be hiding a bomb in the damn thing. We may be able to convince The Department of Homeland Security of the danger if enough of us men write them. While waiting on Homeland Security try., you know baby I hear the new trend is for women to wear jeans with a wallet in their back pocket. I think you would look so sexy like that. They would have to down size right there as no person could get what they call a wallet in their back pocket.

And then there is this other thing. They work on you for days to get you to go with them in the first place and then whip out this….you know why we are “out” it sure would be nice to stop by so and so. I saw this cutest thing there the other day I want to show you. I think it would be just perfect for the living room, etc., if it is so damn cute why didn’t you get it the other day as you know I don’t give a damn about what you put in the living room. Now you start talking about putting something else in the Man’s room and I may be interested. However it must have a function other then to look pretty.

If you remember there use to be a show with a shopping contest whereby they give you a shopping cart and two minutes to grab everything you want free provided you beat the competition in total dollar value of what you got. It didn’t last long for several reasons of which two of them is that only women watch shopping shows and women don’t know exactly where any department of a store is other then it is by such and such. The men kept beating the women every time. We know where the electronics and tool department is and we don’t stop on the way to look at that cute thing. The idea of a man beating a woman at shopping totally pissed off the women folk and they quit buying the sponsor’s products. The show was quickly cancelled.

Now old Bubba is still in the learning phase when it comes to women so I may not have all the answers in fact I am certain of that so if any of you men want to help me out with some ways to relieve the stress of shopping with your woman please let me know.


Art Nalley
Redneck Heritage Network
@2008

http://redneckheritagenetwork.blogspot.com/

Damn Women

They say you are never too old to learn something new well this weekend I learned to be careful about about letting your woman drive the boat. So we are tooling down the river have a grand old time when Genny ask if she could drive awhile. I say I don't know baby, you think you can handle it. She says yeah let me drive. So I take her thru the steps, this is neutral, back is going back and this is forward. She took it thru the motions to show she was paying attention but she really was only interested in one movement and that was all the way forward. So I look over at her and she is smiling from ear to ear, sitting in the Indian position and driving the boat a little more than really necessary just to see it do curves and such.

Then I see a little bigger smile as a thought crosses her mind and she reaches over slaps me on the butt and says in a man voice, hey baby, how about getting me a beer! So I smile and fetch her a beer. She waits until I get laid back comfortable and says hey baby how about lighting me a cig also.

Damn women get them out of the kitchen and they go crazy on ya!

Art Nalley

Redneck Heritage Network

Copyright@2010

A Man can Mess Up Trying to be Good

You know sometimes a man can be trying to do good and mess up big time. Let me tell you about a recent experience with this.

Just like dog’s piss on tree’s to mark their territory women will leave shit behind. My girlfriend was over last night and I noted that she had in her hands when she came in the door her purse and some hair spray. She placed them on the counter and I would see them every time I got up to go get a beer. It was some white rain hair spray.

So everything is going great if you get my drift and I get the urge to go to the restroom. My medicine cabinet is open and I notice some hand cream and hairspray in it. I know I don’t buy the stuff so I figure it is hers and she left it there from another stay over. I grab it and walk to the living room and say hey baby I think you left this the last time you where here thinking I have saved her some money. She said, well honey you just screwed up as this is not my stuff, but I will say Bambi must have class, as this is the expensive stuff.

Well it got a little cold for a little while and it took me a little while to dig out of that hole. She finally said it would be best if I just shut up because you are not doing anything but digging a bigger hole. So anyway, she left this morning and a few minutes ago I noticed she left that hair spray behind on the counter. She had just left so I could have called her and had her come back to get it. But you know what, that stuff is going into the trash with the other. As I am not taking the chance of making the same mistake again. So when you read this get up and go check your bathroom for little land mines that have been left behind and “never” ask a woman if something in there is hers. Throw that stuff in the trash and if by some chance you forget and she finds something, deny knowing where in the hell it came from. Cause Men are dumb as rocks. Repeat that 10 times a day to her and you should do okay.

Hey I wonder if this line would work? Well baby I am a good host. You know just like you go out and get a six when I come over because you know I like beer; I buy women stuff so you will have it when you come. Naw, wouldn’t work. Next question would be well that is sweet of you but why has some been used? Throw it away now.

Art Nalley
Redneck Heritage Network
@ 9/31/04